I thought of possibly doing another satire piece but there is already going to be enough political arguments going on in everybody’s Facebook feeds today. So here is a list of the fastest politicians, enjoy!
(NOTE: These are American politicians only)
Paul Ryan (His REAL time): 4:01:25
He may be a liar and kind of a sh1tty person, but he is still a beautiful, beautiful man.
Michele Bachmann- 21:52 5k
She didn’t even train, just ran on pure hate
Rick Perry- Former avid triathlete, 1:42:17 half marathon, 21min 5k
Shorts over tights!! NOOOOO RICK PERRY NOO!!!
Sarah Palin- 3:59:36
Don’t try to outrun this cougar!
Palin gets a high ranking because she ran her sub 4 on frozen ice keeping her eyes on the Russians.
George W. Bush: 3:44:52 Marathon, 5k PR- SUB 20min
GEORGE BUSH HATES SLOW PEOPLE
Michael Dukakis: 3:31:00
He did better in this race than his vice-presidential run
John Edwards: 3:30:18
Presumably he got his mileage in while running to his mistress’s house
Harry Reid: 3:16 at Boston
This mormon leaves Romney in the dust
Max Baucus: 3:01:18
Who the hell is Max Baucus?
Gary Johnson: IRONMAN 10hrs39min, CLIMBED MOUNT EVEREST
I VOTED FOR YOU <3
Barack Obama: sub 13 5k
Guys, he’s a Kenyan, duh!
Ron Paul: 220yd PR 22.2, 440yd PR 51.2!!!!
State champ in the 1800′s!
Jim Ryun: 3:51 mile
Clear winner in this race.
did ron paul actually drop a 51.2 400m?
No, he ran a 51.2 440y. It’s a bit farther. Also, I think the 220y is more impressive.
I read somewhere that he ran both of those times at the state meet on a track that had 2 inches of standing water. Libertarians are hardcore.
Jimmy Carter ran XC for naval academy
Did Obama really run a sub-13 minute 5k?
Sub-13, it was sub-12 . . . and the legend continues.